I Think You’ve Got a Screw Loose

I got my original, fixed computer back last week and this morning I went to turn on my computer and there was loud beeping all this error press F1 followed by more beeping. I called IT Guy and almost completely lost my shit because I mean REALLY with all of this? So IT Guy came down and looked at and said, “Oh yeah, they forgot to put the screws back in on the bottom” and fixed it. Talk about a screw loose…
Technology: 3
HumansInCages: 0

Traffic Alert

Because cars don't cause enough problems...This was found on Boston.com (thanks R.)

Animal Walk will affect traffic tonight

The Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus is in town and is having its annual Animal Walk tonight. Traffic delays can be expected.

Low Blood Sugar Ponderings

If everyone always thinks the weekend was too short, can’t the world just come together on this and get behind a 4-day work week?

Things I Do at Work While Bored

Check personal email
Check Facebook
Check Twitter
Read “news” on MSN
Read blogs and find ridiculous articles
Check personal email
Read real news
Stop in people’s cubes to ask them if they are bored
Talk on gchat
Check personal email
Read missed connections on craigslist
find funny youtube videos of animals
Blog
Make Lists

I Wish I Was Kidding

The power just went out; our computers and lights are running on generators but email is not working but we’re not allowed to leave. I would really, really like for this week to be over already.

Finally, Someone Said It

Today I came across respectyourpet.com.

Their mission

To uncover those who mistreat and humiliate their pets. We need your help in identifying those who have yet to properly care for Gods creatures. If you have any information leading to the identification of the following post, please comment or Email . We also welcome photo submissions of animal mistreatment and will do our best to expose those violators and educate our readers on proper care.

I’m not sure if this is real or sarcastic (I’m keeping my fingers crossed it’s the latter) but either way it’s amusing. This is one of the examples they use:




I totally feel this. It’s cruel and unusual punishment to make your pet look like an asshole just to amuse yourself.

Overheard at the Water Cooler

I just saw that the state elevator permit for the building has been expired for a year. I feel safe.

Roadside Assistance

This morning I got up early, got ready for work, went to start my car, and heard clicking sounds. Crap. Crapcrapcrapcrap. Yes, my car wouldn’t start. So I called AAA and begged for roadside assistance and then sat in my car waiting for the truck to arrive. I was rather bored while I waited so I tried calling a few people who all said: mmm yeah that sucks, well I have to go get ready for work now.

So 37 minutes later the AAA guy arrived and we popped the hood and saw what looked like a chia pet growing on my battery. He explained this was not a whimsical plant but rather corrosion and it’s “the worst he’s ever seen.” Oh good, that’s exactly what I was hoping he’d say. As we stood there it started pouring rain (I know, so cliché) and we stood in the rain discussed my options and decided that the best thing to do is tow it to the closest dealership and get a new battery.

AAA guy and I have a delightful ride over where I learned that he is engaged and the wedding is in less than a month so they are crazy with last minute details. They are planning on honeymooning in Vegas; they got a deal (through AAA) and got flights, 7 nights in a hotel, a rental car, and vouchers for 4 shows for $1400 all together for the two of them. He said it was too good of a deal to pass up, I agreed, and then we discussed the merits of cirque de soleil.

By the time we arrived at the dealership I was in rather good spirits so I wasn’t even that upset when the guy in the service department told me I needed a new battery and my warranty had expired SIX DAYS AGO. Meaning if I had looked under the hood a week ago it would have been free but today would cost $150. In the general scheme of car money this isn’t so bad though (see what a positive attitude I have) so nodded and headed to the “lounge” area where sat drinking free vending machine coffee (which is delicious, it really is) and watching Ellen and The View. Three hours later I got my car back and headed to work, finally arrive around noon.


In case anyone is keeping track this week it’s
Technology: 2 (computer, car)
HumansInCages: 0.

Did You Check Under Obvious?

sent to me by K. - an actual conversation she had at work

K.: Hey there, my name was not on the rooming list for the conference
Co-worker: Did you look under your name?
K.: I am not an idiot

Is That a Promise?

The dove promises chocolate says:

Believe in yourself.

Thanks for that inspirational pep talk. I can now face the day.

Dealing With Addiction

Today we ran out of caffeine. Again. Normally there is really horrible coffee and Lipton’s brisk caffeinated tea. Today there are a few stray decaf tea bags floating around. This is the second time this has happened in a month. My eyes are crossing and my hands are shaking and I might actually bite the head off of the next person to ask me a question. Needless to say, there will be no witty, lighthearted blog posts today.

Counting down the minutes to lunch and breaking out of the cage for a caffeinated beverage…



Ohhh, look at you there all delicious and full of that sweet, sweet caffeine. Remember all the good times we had together? All the times where I didn’t think I’d make it through the day but you, you were the one who pulled me through and helped me stay alert and awake, chipper even! In the beginning things were so happy, but then…you made me this way, you knew what you were doing, didn’t you? You knew I wouldn’t be able to live without you- it’s all your fault! You ruined me! Wait, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. Please come back. I will always think of you fondly, until we meet again…

Overheard at the Water Cooler

Woman 1: I met your friend Michelle while I was in Chicago
Woman 2: Oh yes, she’s delightful isn’t she?



Wow, I wonder if anyone would ever describe me as delightful…

HumansInCages is Not Responding Right Now

This stupid, letter-less computer is getting on my last nerve. Listen, I don’t want to work but I figure I’m at work and getting paid (sort of, I think my salary is like getting paid in monopoly money) so I should try and get something done. However, this computer is making it impossible for me to be productive.

Every time I try to reply to an email the whole thing freaks out and windows start minimizing and then popping up and then going blank and then outlook says “not responding.” So then I have to close it out and it says, this program is not responding, would you like to end now? Yes, stupid computer, you have given me not other choice but to close outlook once again and then reopen and then once again try and respond to an email that, let’s be honest, wasn’t really worth it to begin with. Then of course there’s that whole, “this mailbox was not closed properly and is now being checked for problems” window that comes up when I try to reopen. I know it wasn’t closed properly; I could not close it properly because it was NOT RESPONDING.

I mean, this post alone took twice as long as it should have but I have my priorities straight so even in the face of adversity HIC was updated. Here’s a crazy idea, what if I stop responding until I get a computer that works? I can put that as my out of office: “HumansInCages is not responding right now, would you like to fix this computer?”

Just a Thought

When I'm driving to work and I get behind someone who's driving too slow I tail them. I'm an asshole but it's called RUSH hour. Go. Faster.

Overheard at the Water Cooler

from L.

As I was heating up my Pad Thai for lunch, someone said to me: “You know that heating something up in the microwave with peanuts could kill someone in this office, right? Really painful death.”