Things I Like About Work

Things I like about work:

1. The candy bowl
2. ...hmm

Low Blood Sugar Ponderings

My favorite Friday ritual: Lysoling my desk and erasing my browser history. It's like the whole week never happened...

Overheard at the Airport Terminal

Lady 1: (turns to the stranger sitting next to her) So, are you traveling
Lady 2: Why yes, I am!

I mean, honestly? No - I'm just here having lunch. Everyone is traveling - it's an airport!!

All Mondays are Stupid but This One Really Sucks

My day so far today:

Wake up at 4am and go to the airport for a stupid work trip. Find out that every.single.flight. on United is delayed due to weather and every.single.person. has to wait in line to talk to a ticket agent and get rebooked on a different flight. Stand in line for an hour and half at five in the morning and finally get my turn at the ticket counter. Tell the agent I have a meeting at noon. He tells me I am in luck, he can get me there at 11:30 this morning! There is a connection in DC, the flight leaves in 2 hours, he prints me my tickets and I go on my way. Wait 2 hours for the flight to DC and land with 20 minutes before my connection. Check the screen for my gate. Check the screen for my gate. Check the screen for my gate. Start to panic as I now have 15 minutes for my connection. Look at the ticket for a gate. Realize that when the ticket agent rebooked me he put me on a 10:30 p.m. flight. TEN THIRTY PM AND IT'S TEN FIFTEEN IN THE MORNING AND MY MEETING IS AT NOON. Run to the customer service counter where they confirm he did indeed book me on a pm flight and inform me the earliest flight out is at 5pm.

They give me a little sad smile and tell me they are sorry and there is nothing they can do and wow that really sucks. I call to say I'll miss the 12pm meeting but I still have to wait for this godforsaken flight because I have 2 meetings tomorrow morning before I turn around and come back home. On a flight that connects through DC. So currently I'm on hour 3 of the 7 hour layover and I've had like 4 hours of sleep. You know what's interesting about the DC airport though? oh wait, nothing. There is nothing interesting about it. It's like every other airport and people are annoying and gum is too expensive and the seats have a weird smell. Awesome.

Low Blood Sugar Ponderings

1 ticket to Greensboro, North Carolina - $300

1 cab ride to the airport at 4am - $38

1 coffee to wake you up for you meeting when you land - $2

Finding out the ticket agent rebooked your flight for PM instead of AM when you’re halfway between home and your destination...priceless


For missing work meetings, there’s United.

Overheard at the Water Cooler

"Yeah, I was existing on a diet of redbull and stress."

Sorry Your Kid Can't Draw

I love this site I am better than your kids. Sometimes people put their children's artwork up in their cube and then you have to see it every day. Sometimes, you even have to make awkward conversation and pretend you like it. I mean, 99 times out of 100 its not good. In fact in sucks. So it's nice to see someone say all the things I'd like to tell their parents.

Some favorites:

You spelled America wrong asshole. Also, I could have sworn America's colors were red, white and blue. There's no yellow anywhere, traitor.F



This one wouldn't be too bad if the color were kept inside the lines, you picked a new perspective, used non-abrasive colors and asked someone with talent to paint it for you. On one hand I want to give an A for effort but... F

Excellent Facebook Rant

Some people, who obviously know me very well, sent me this video. They said, "I actually think we had this exact conversation with you before." I very much approve of this rant. I have a "friend" on facebook right now who keeps putting her baby walrus up for adoption from wasting time aquarium or something. Why do I want to adopt a fake baby walrus? And what even happens if I do?



What IS poking someone??

Overheard at the Water Cooler

"I'm going to be out on Friday. I thought about coming in that morning for just a half day but when I walked in the office today I looked around and was like, um no way."

Reality TV: Always Predictable, Never Original

This article was sent to me by T. I take this to mean I could be a television executive. I hope the contestants take note from the Olympic ice dancers.

Ice dancing reality series planned for ABC
Format would be similar to 'Dancing with the Stars'

By James Hibberd

March 4, 2010, 09:31 PM ET
BBC Worldwide Productions is planning an ice dancing reality series for ABC, the production company announced.

The "Dancing With the Stars" production company is planning a format that's very similar to its current ABC hit, with six celebrities paired with professional skaters.

"ABC has become an incredible partner for us -- we mirror each other's vision in attaining production excellence and we look forward to taking our relationship to the ice," commented Jane Tranter, executive vp of programming and production, BBC Worldwide Productions. "This program will be a truly unique and exciting experience for their viewers."

The untitled series will debut later this year and is based on the BBC's six-year-old "Strictly Ice Dancing" format. Izzie Pick will executive produce.

Cage Monkey Goes Missing: Office Goes Bananas

I have always thought if I just didn't show up for work one day nobody would notice and wondered how long it would take before someone realized the cage had been unlocked and the animals had gotten free. I was wrong.

We have 2 offices that are about 5 miles away from each other and occasionally have to drive back and forth between the two for meetings. It's actually kind of a pain in the ass but whatever. So at 4pm on Tuesday I learn from this guy on that we have a meeting in the other office first thing the next morning. He had conveniently forgotten to tell me about it and rather than sending me a meeting request he just casually mentioned it and told me I should go. Great. So I didn't really see anyone the rest of the day to let them know but figured, okay so I'll be gone an hour and that will be that. The meeting ended up being FIVE HOURS LONG. So unnecessary. There was some weirdo guy presenting to us that reminded me of an overzealous magician. His voice would get all loud and excited and then he'd point at someone and say, "so then what do YOU think would happen??" I kept waiting for him to pull a rabbit out of his briefcase but it never happened.

So five hours and 3 advil later I finally get back to my cage and everyone is frantic. Seriously. Apparently some issue had come up and they needed to find me and couldn't and then started freaking out. They told me the were "so worried that something had happened to me" and half the office knew I was "missing". I guess after about an hour of panic they asked someone who knew where I was and order was restored but when I got back I had to apologize to everyone for all the heartache I had put them through.

I'm thinking of posting my schedule on the cube wall now so this never happens again. This totally ruins my plan of disappearing one day and not coming back and expecting to get a paycheck.

Overheard at the Water Cooler

Person 1: I don't know what happened to that box I shipped.
Person 2: It's probably just on the island of misfit boxes.

Low Blood Sugar Ponderings

If Ellen danced with a cartoon skat-cat and Kara married Emilio Estevez, I think I could get into American Idol this season.

Town Hall Meetings are Suspiciously Like All Other Meetings

We just had a "Town Hall Style" meeting with some very important people. I didn't coin that phrase, that's what it was called. Now, I've never been to an actual town hall meeting so I really have no comparison but this meeting seemed pretty similar to all other meetings I've attended here in the office. Some people talked at us about exciting!, the future! and possibilities! Then they asked for questions and everyone stared blankly. We wanted to know if we were all getting fired but it seemed inappropriate to ask when they were trying so hard to be positive. I wish they served snacks at town hall meetings.

Creepy Jingles

My roommate once pointed out how creepy the "Bumble Bee Tuna" song is and now every time I hear it my hair stands on end. This guy sounds like he's about to snap and drown us all in tuna while strumming slowly on his guitar.

I always hear it on the radio but apparently it's a commercial, too. Everyone seems wary of him but more in a "okay bumblebee guy, I'm just trying to eat" rather than "Holy $%&# - kids RUN! Everyone get the hell out of here because this weirdo is floating in the air and singing at me with an intensity I've never seen!" which is how I would respond. So is he supposed to be creepy or is that a happy accident?

Sad but True

Sometimes while I'm on facebook I'll open a new window to check facebook. I guess because I'm bored and looking for things to do and that's my automatic go-to. I know, it's sad.

Office Olympics

In keeping with the Olympics theme, I've been trying to think of some events we could hold here in the office. Instead of medals, we could award podium finishers with 40, 60, and 90 minute lunch breaks. This is what I've come up with so far:

The Relay Meeting
Since meeting often go on way too long and we end up talking in circles and repeating ourselves, why not implement the meeting relay? Groups form teams of 4 and tag in and out of the meeting and see how long you can keep the meeting going without stopping. When a team reaches it peak of annoyance it will drop out of the race. Those who can sleep with their eyes open will fare well in this competition

Individual Coffee Making
Individuals will compete in making a batch of coffee that actually tastes good. Since it's never happened in my office, I'm sure this will be a difficult event that requires intense training. After the coffee is made it will be rated by a panel of judges. Scoring will be pasted on taste, presentation, and overall impression.

Water Cooler Races
Individuals will compete head to head against one another to fill up red solo cups with water and transport it back to a cup without spilling. The first to five wins. This could also be made into a team event.

Emoticon Images
Individuals will design pictures made out keyboard characters. The first day of competition consists of a skills test for basic emoticons ( happy - :) angry - >:[ surprised - :O etc) the top 12 will move on the the second day and compete in the free design where they can show off their skills and creativity creating different shapes. While the judging can be subjective it's proven to be a crowd favorite.


Elevator Races
Self-explanatory and just fun

Passive-Aggressive Email Replies
Judges issue an email will a simple request and then contestants compete head to head responding to one another trying to one up and create a better passive-aggressive reply to the email. The email chain will bounce back and forth between constants until one judge declares a constant has stepped out of bounds (i.e., said what they really think or turned to actual aggression) or a player runs out of replies and concedes.


Other ideas???

Overheard at the Water Cooler,

This is actually more of an overheard on the phone, as a woman gave me major 'tude about attending a conference.

Woman: "HumansInCages, I don't understand why you wouldn't attend"
HumansInCages: "Well, as I'm sure you've experienced it all comes down to money and I'm trying to work it in my budget"
Woman: "Yes but Humans, our show is by the far the best. I'd think you'd be jumping at the chance"

The Agony of Ice Dancing

I've become completely addicted to the Olympics. All those heart wrenching stories of victory and defeat; what's not to like? I've taken to watching every single event that I can, no matter what it is. I totally understand the rules of curling now. I empathize with the Norway-Sweden rivalry in cross country. And this brings me to ice dancing.

I don't get it. I just...don't. I mean, they wear truly ridiculous costumes and go out there and just sort of, well, skate. With giant smiles on their faces.







I get that the footwork is difficult and there are certain steps they have to do and all that but it's not like they're going to fall. I least in regular ice skating they have the jumps and the fear of falling at the Olympics and ruining their chances and dreams and everything they've been working for. I mean, that part is interesting. In ice dancing I sort of feel like, okay you're going to go out and do the routine that was choreographed for you just like you've done it every day in practice. And you probably know basically where you'll end up in the standings because you've competed with this routine before and really how different can it be each time? I'm not saying it isn't hard, I'm sure it is. It just not really spectator friendly.

Although, I could totally see a "Skating with the Stars" as the next reality hit. A bunch of burnt out z-list celebrities falling all over the ice while some bubbly skater glides them along. It would be completely horrendous and #1 in the ratings. You heard it here first.

Low Blood Sugar Ponderings

I like lent. Not because I got to church or give anything up, but because the fillet o fish singing commercials are back. Apparently, I'm not alone because there is an actual signing fish you can buy. He gets really into it towards he end.